Life

Today was one of those days. One of those pivotal days in my life.
This morning I went to the doctor for a routine 14-week prenatal visit. I had confided in my sister-in-law Andrea last night that I was feeling nervous about going. For the past week or so, I just haven’t felt as “pregnant” as I had previously.

You know how you have those feelings that you just can’t explain.

At the appointment, the doctor tried to find a heartbeat, and she just couldn’t find one. She tried for quite a while and nothing.

At my 10-week appointment, they were able to get a strong heartbeat right away, so my heart sank.

It’s not super-uncommon to not hear a heartbeat at 14 weeks, but because of my history, I was beyond worried. I’ve had two miscarriages – one before Avery was born and one before Jack was born. And everytime they haven’t found a heartbeat in the past, it was not a good sign.

They sent me for an ultrasound to a different facility and on the way there, my mind was racing and my spirit was crushed.

I assumed the worst. Was this pregnancy not meant to be?

What would the future hold?

What about the weekend trip we had planned with friends?

How would we tell Avery? How would we tell our family and friends?

Could I survive this again?

Thanksfully hubs was able to leave work and meet me to go for the ultrasound. He assumed the worst, too. There wasn’t much to say.

I laid down on the ultrasound table and the sweet technician kindly explained what she was going to do.
As soon as the image came on the screen, she said, “There is the baby!”

“It’s moving, and it’s heart is ticking away!”

The best thing that she could have said. Ever.

It look a couple of seconds to sink in. Then sweet relief!!!!

I was flooded with emotion. Unbelief, gratitude, praise. I just couldn’t believe it. This baby was alive. And moving, kicking, crossing it’s little feet. We watched it for a while in amazement.

I still can’t quite believe it.

Thank you Jesus for allowing me the priviledge of carrying this soul.

Baby, I promise to love you forever.

I promise to pray every day that God will give us the wisdom to raise you in the best way possible.

I promise to be your biggest supporter.

I promise to love you unconditionally. No matter what.

Life is so hard sometimes. Incredibly hard.

But it’s also beautiful. And it is possible to find peace in the middle of turmoil.

Today the roses smell sweeter, the grass looks greener, and the sunshine feels more comforting than it has ever felt.

And I am humbled. And so, so thankful.

21 thoughts on “Life

  1. Beautiful post. Literally brought tears to my eyes as I had a baby girl this last year…such precious blessings. I will certainly remember you in my prayers! "May the Lord Bless you and Keep You…may His Face shine upon you…" -shaunna 🙂

  2. I'm so glad everything is ok!we've been there before too and it is not an easy thing to go through- I'm so glad that your day had a wonderfully blessed ending!!!

  3. Oh Aimee…my heart sank right along with yours. I'm SO grateful and happy that this little one is safe, secure, and swimming away! He/she will be lifted up in prayer, every step of the way!

  4. I have had three miscarriages and as I was reading your post I was filled with dread. Then when the happy news came I was crying with relief and joy for you. I am so so happy everything is going well. You will be in my prayers. 🙂

  5. reading this was an emotional roller coaster for me- as i held… my… breath… and prayed… praise God- oh thank you JESUS!! i`m so happy you and baby are healthy. i lost 2 babies before my girls and yes- i know the pain of that kind of shattered dream. it`s SO HARD.

  6. That same exact experience happened to me. I, too, have had 2miscarriages, and when I went into the doctor at 14 weeks (not feeling as pregnant) they couldn't find the heartbeat, and I was sent to an off sight facility for an ultrasound, only to find a healthy baby, who is now two and a half. Bless you and your sweet little one! Bless you with peace and joy and life!! I named her middle name "Zoe" which means "life".

  7. I stumbled across your website while looking for tips on redoing thrift store furniture. This post was so beautiful. I love Jesus too, btw.

  8. I just found your blog when I came from Layla's blog… and I liked it so much I decided to page down a bit. When I stumbled on this post, I felt like I was supposed to read it. I'm not pregnant, but I am going through something big in my own life. We are selling our home, downsizing, and choosing to be obedient to Christ as we ease into missions/ministry. Somehow, I was totally able to relate. I have no idea if what I'm about to explain will make sense to you, but I'm going to try, because this blessed me so much! We all have these things in our life that we are hoping for, and so many details even the smallest of details (such as you worrying about your weekend plans) are important to US. It's so easy to think God has missed those details when we're in the midst of crisis and feeling unsure. Which is where I'm at today. Your post was just the reminder that I needed that indeed, His eye is on the Sparrow. And he watches over me. I'm so glad to have you found you, and glad your baby is alright too! 🙂 Blessings, Sasha

  9. Hi Aimee,Just found your blog through Lettered Cottage. I too am a DIY kind of girl – love your style! Also love your faith, and am so encouraged to see so many comments by others whose hope is in the same place. Praise God your little one is okay!Where is the photo of the sun shining through the trees along the dirt road from? I love it!Best of everything ~ Heather

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